I used to be a planner.

When I was younger I would decide how my future would be, like how many kids would I have, what I would wear at my wedding, what sort of job I would have, where I would live... the list went on.

I found I could just whittle away the hours by living in my own head.

Looking back at these times, I feel a pain in my heart as though someone is tugging at it. This, you see, was bliss. I was ignorant that life isn't as easy as that. You don't know what will get in the way of your ideal life.

One thing that hasn't changed, I suppose, is living in my head and escaping the real world. Except, these days instead of planning my life in 5, 10, 15 years, I plan for next hour ahead. What do I need to do next?

I watch from the window of my room as people busy themselves with living, pretending that they are happy, but when really, I can't help but think they're all just planning their perfect lives ahead of them.

They know they're not real, but they have to imagine another life in order to get through this one.

Even when old people are rocking gently in their chairs on a sunny afternoon, they are dreaming of another life that they have lived in some other place.

Being happy is a myth...

because inside we will always yearn for something more or better, but lasting happiness will never become real when all our wants transcend this world.

To the Triple Jewel I return and rely.